The Teacher Who Made Me Give Up My Instrument

I'm going to step away from the choral platform for a moment today and talk about working with students individually in the private studio.  As teachers, we are told time and time again that there are different types of learners with which we will be working when we start teaching in the classroom.  Some of them will be visual learners ("let me watch you do it"), some learn better aurally ("tell me the steps to take"), and some work better kinesthetically ("let me try to do it myself").  From experience, I am here to tell you that there are important differences in the way that you deal with your private students as well.

When I went to college, I was one of only two freshman students who were given the opportunity to study with the head instructor in my area.  All of the other freshmen would be studying with his assistants.  I was thrilled!  All my years of studying and working hard were going to pay off after all.

I do need to tell you this -- I had gone to a relatively small high school and had been the top dog on my instrument since I had been a freshman.  I had been what you would call a big fish in a little pond, and I was used to getting accolades from various people.  My private instructor had been an excellent teacher, and she was good at encouraging me and giving me the occasional praise that I needed.

I began studying with the head instructor at the university.  His teaching style was totally different than my former private teacher's.  His instruction was constantly negative, and he would point out things about my physical appearance that hampered my playing (my fleshy lips -- by the way, I've never been told I had fleshy lips by anyone else, ever; my crooked teeth -- yes, I did get braces a few years later, but my teeth certainly weren't bad enough to hamper my playing).  I very rarely heard anything positive come out of his mouth, and my relationship with him was totally unlike any of my former private instructors.

I managed to study with him for a little over a year.  However, by that time, my self esteem as an instrumentalist was decimated.  According to my teacher, I couldn't do anything right.  I went from being one of two top freshmen players to being unable to play in front of anyone.  My only choice at the time was to quit school.  After all, how can you be a music major when you can't even play your instrument in front of anyone?  I tried another major area of study -- which was a complete waste of time -- but then decided to leave college all together.  Guess who called me when I decided to quit?  My teacher.  He just couldn't believe that I would want to give it all up.  He was very complimentary -- at that point.  Unfortunately, it was too late.

It took me over ten years to pick up my instrument again.  Remember, this was an instrument that at one time had given me so much pleasure that I would spend hours a day playing it.  I can remember the first time I played it at church probably 15 years after I left school.  I was so excited, because I had finally conquered the fear that had trapped me all of those years.  I continue to play occasionally, reminding myself that, while I am not very good at it anymore, I can at least continue to share my God-given talent with anyone who will listen.

All of this is being shared with you to give you some insight into working with your private students. While some students may have enough confidence in their own playing that they don't need positive feedback and or compliments, many of them don't.  It is up to us as their instructors to use a positive approach while teaching them and to be as complimentary as possible when they deserve it.  Our students' egos may be fragile, and I doubt that any of us want to be the one to be known as "the teacher who made me give up my instrument."

Oh, by the way, I didn't stay down for long.  I went back to school several years later and finished my undergraduate degree -- in choral music this time.  I taught for a few years and then went back to get my Masters degree and my Doctorate.  While the events that happened to me were tragic, they taught me an important lesson -- that negativity has no place in a private lesson.  If I can't give a student some praise and some positive feedback, then I need to refer that student to someone who can.  Their musical lives depend on it.